My Turk Didn't Make It...

Wednesday was day 6 of Turk's antibiotics, but there was no change for the better since Friday night's first vet visit and that really worried me. I called the vet on Tuesday and the nurse I spoke to said some infections are very tough and I should wait out the course of the antibiotics unless he got worse.
On Wednesday night he ate a teaspoon full of soft meat and I was ecstatic! Then on Thursday morning he wouldn't eat... and even though he kept going to his water bowl it seemed as though he simply couldn't bring himself to actually take a sip.
I followed him to the bathroom- where he was still peeing on the floor- and whilst I was glad he had a piddle I was very worried when I saw it was a dark yellow and only a very small puddle.
He then went back to one of the ottomans in the lounge and went to sleep.
Thats all he's done this week. Listlessness doesn't begin to describe it. He was still breathing fast and it exhausted him.
I called Fourways Veterinary Hospital again and told the vet I spoke to- though I could barely speak for crying- what was going on. She suggested I bring him in as soon as possible.
I put him in one of our travel crates and drove to the vet.
Once there she called us in immediately and listened to his heart and lungs, looked at his gums, checked his temperature... As on Saturday, apart from his laboured breathing nothing else seemed amiss. But there should have been an improvement on the antibiotics if it was due to an infection, and he had lost more than half a kilogram since Saturday morning.
She took him to do some xrays and when she came back she didn't have good news.
Aggravated by the FeLV, there was a lymphoma that caused his chest cavity to fill with fluid. So whilst his lungs were okay, they may as well have been in a vice. The pressure from this fluid was what was making it so hard for him to breathe. I could have asked them to drain the fluid and start chemo to treat the cancer, but its a painful and drawn out procedure and he would have had to stay in hospital. And because of the FeLV there was only about a 5% chance that he would react well to the treatment.
I couldn't put my sweet boy through that.
The vet brought him back to me wrapped in a woolly blanket, and left us alone. I cuddled him and talked to him and said goodbye, and he lay with his paws over my arm like he loved to do and never made a sound.
Then the vet came back and asked if I wanted to stay while she put him under and I said yes, I took his collar off and I held him as he fell asleep.
Then I picked him up and cuddled him one last time. He looked so beautiful and peaceful. Then the vet wrapped him in the blanket and cradled him as she took him away.
I am sad that I can't afford to have my Turk's ashes returned to me. But I have his name tag on my handbag now. His and Taxi's. They are both with me all the time.
I miss him so much.
My beautiful blue eyed boy.