How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no-one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t  see a light bulb.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.”
Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. The real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?

All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters… cats have staff!

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine, If you  can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day  and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved  ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and  blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without  medical help, If you can relax without alcohol, If  you can sleep without the aid of  drugs,

Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

And  you thought I was going to get all spiritual on your ass!!

Home Made Cat Toys

I saw something like this on the internet a while ago, and decided it would be something fun to keep my furbabies entertained!
It took ages for my household of three people to collect all the empty toilet rolls, but I finally had enough to make it challenging.
It stands on the floor or on a table, and I put kitty treats inside the tubes. They must then find which tube its in and get it out!
Minx and Greebo have mastered it! Its so cute!
Turk tries to stick his whole face into the tube to get the treat out and ends up knocking it over!
Diva and Magic pretend it does not exist.

You Know Its Hot When...

Even my son's recently acquired bearded dragon- Spike- takes to chilling in his water dish!
Doesn't it make you wish you were a lizard!!?!?

chiiiillin', chiiiillin'... 

Greebo And The Socks...

I believe I have mentioned before (here and here) how Greebo "hunts" socks out of my son's closet and washing basket? 

Well, last Saturday night we went to visit my folks for dinner and when we got home, this was the sight that greeted us as we walked in the front door! Four dirty socks and one cleaned pair in a ball!

And that's Greebo by the way, sitting at the top of the picture.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

I had to giggle when I got this email from my friend Lulu.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Labrador: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.”
Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
Australian Cattle Dog: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…
Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?



Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is, “How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

Minx and Marbles

All my cats have always loved playing with a marble.
Its rolls with next to no touching, it bounces, and it makes a noise on the floor! They love it when I put a marble in the bath as they can chase it round and round for hours without losing it, and it makes a noise!
But I watch them closely as a marble can be easily swallowed or choked on. As soon as they've had enough playing in the bath I put the marble away.
A couple of days ago, Minx found a marble. I have no idea where, but she was playing with it on the lounge floor and I heard the noise- which is very distinctive if you've heard it before. I moved her- with her marble- to one of our bathtubs and she was playing merrily, and a couple of minutes later I heard the marble on the staircase, like it was rolling down. I was a little puzzled, but before I could go and investigate I heard it again- a marble rolling and bouncing down the stairs!
Now I was really puzzled.
And as I was walking to see what was happening I heard it again- a marble rolling and bouncing down our tiled staircase!
When I got there, I was stunned to see Minx pick up the marble she was playing with and carry it back up the stairs in her mouth- where she dropped it and then had a wonderful time chasing and batting it down the stairs again before picking it up and carrying it upstairs again!
I have seen my cats carry their toys around and take them somewhere more entertaining, like around my kitchen stools and step ladder, but none of my cats have ever picked up and carried a marble around!

More Evidence

Of Magic's favourite chill pose...

A Must Read!!

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them.

And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.

And Cat... didn't give a shit one way or the other.

Guess Who...

...still fits inside the pool table's pockets!!!
She's almost 7 months old!

This is now her favourite place to pick on the other cats 'coz she can ambush them from inside the pockets but they can't get to her!!

An Oldie But A Goodie

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:


Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'

If they only knew!

Magic Plays Pool!

Damien plays pool, and Magic sits on the table till he can no longer stand the balls bouncing off him. Then he tries to catch them as Damien sinks them!

Great Hunter, Greebo

I have yet to get a picture- but my precious Greebo is quite the mighty stalker...
And no, you're not confused, my furbabies still do not go outside and are purely indoor cats.
Greebo hunts my knucklehead's socks.
I didn't know it, but apparently when cats catch something they talk and meow whilst they carry it around, sorta calling attention to the fact that they have succeeded in their predatory pursuits.
Greebo fetches socks- singly or in balls- from the knucklehead's closet and then carries them down the passage, calling and yowling with a mouthful of cotton-polyester blend.
Its too funny!
Then he drops the socks in the passage outside our bedrooms and walks up and down the passage, or sits on the staircase calling and meowing a little.
I am going to try and see if I can get a picture of him "sneaking" out of the knucklehead's room with socks in his mouth!

Notice

Posted very low on a refrigerator door:

Attention Dogs and Cats

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw underthe edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

I AM THE CAT AND I HAVE CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS

I have the right to walk over your face anytime I wish, day or night.
I have the right to observe and comment on any and all bathroom behavior. Further, I have the right to be highly offended by any closed door.
I have the right to smell your shoes to determine if you have been fraternizing or cavorting or frolicking with any highly questionable animals.
I have the right to assist in any food preparation, cooking, cleaning or eating event that may occur in the home.
I have the right to wake you at three in the morning if I find my food dish is not to my satisfaction.
I have the right to tip over any water container I deem unsuitable for consumption.
I have the right to meow at squirrels and birds that may dare to pass my windows.
I have the right to inspect any grocery items that come into the home. Further, I have the right to inhabit any paper bag or cardboard box that you bring home for as long as I wish.
I have the right to nap at any time and place I darn well please, without the distraction of being called or moved just because you want to sit down, wash your hands or use your computer keyboard.
I have the right to assist in the changing of bed linens and to chase the phantom creatures that hide beneath the sheets.
I have the right to look aloof when scolded for mistaking your toes for one of those pesky phantom creatures that hide beneath the sheets.
I have the right to kill paper towel rolls that otherwise might sneak up on you
I have the right to sleep on top of any appliance that is warm.
I have the right to your complete attention anytime you sit down to read or work.
And, finally, I have the right to be loved, petted, pampered, and entertained, for, as you know, the best things in life ... purr.

And, should you err in your ways, I will graciously forgive you. After all, you are only human, but I love you anyway.

Signed,

The CAT

I got this off my Yahoo Indoor Cats Group!

What You Wish Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions Were…

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up, so my humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then bolt right for my litter box. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
We will not play "herd of thundering wildebeests stampeding across the plains of the Serengeti", over my human's bed while they're trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open, when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly, while they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are NOT a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter; stare down the hall, and growl at nothing, after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night, and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.
I will not lie on my human's legs in bed at night, rendering them unable to move or turn over.
I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important ,.kxnmzyuzxsklxjmcxbhxsaklsa.x

The Truth At Last!

The Feline Code of Conduct

Always give generously. A small bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".

Climb your way to the top. That's why the drapes are there.

Curiosity never killed anything except a few hours.

Make your mark in the world. Or at least spray in each corner.

Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone's face.

Life is hard, then you nap.

What you May Not Know about CATS

- Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
- Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.
- Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.
- Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
- Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.
- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
- I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic!
- Of course cats are smarter than dogs; it takes intelligence to be that devious and cruel!

i know you're all cat slaves!